the four before.

Before I had this weight loss blog, I had a lifestyle blog.

I never really found my "voice" with my writing and didn't have any special talents (fashion, cooking, etc...) to write about.  So I transitioned after surgery over to this blog and really love writing about my experiences.  

Something made me take a trip down memory lane a few days ago and read through my old posts.  

I had forgotten how much I wrote about surgery before I decided to start this blog.  

So I thought I would share with you all the last four posts I wrote in Heavens to Meighan regarding surgery.  

The post "Reasons" is my favorite.  It's nice to be reminded of why I am doing this.

Enjoy!

August 15, 2013

Six Things

Yesterday I spent all day- literally- all day at the hospital.  I had a 4+ hour nutrition class about what I can/can't eat after surgery.  Then I had pre-op blood work, EKG, etc... Then I had my pre-op appointment with the surgeon.  I got there around 7:15 and left around 4:30.

EXHAUSTED was an understatement last night.  I don't even remember going to bed!  The last thing I remember is laying on the couch with Ben and after that I have no clue.  Weird.

Also, my surgery was scheduled for 8/22, but due to some mix-up with the operating room doctor designated hours, they had to change it.  So I am going into surgery on Monday.

Like, this monday.  It got crazy so fast.  I have so much to do to be prepared.

Including the dreaded night before bowel prep.  Don't even get me started on why they make you poop your guts out the night before a major surgery.  Like, my nerves are already bad enough and now you want me to spend the night stinking up the house and repeatedly wiping my ass?  No bueno. 

So-  that is the latest update.  Before surgery I will be sure and post a full body before shot.  God, that is my nightmare.  But if I'm going to talk about it, then I may as well share everything.

Lastly, Miss Allie Bug from Tales of a Twenty Something picked me for her kickball team!  Whoop whoop!  Ok not really, but she did tag me to do this fun little "about me" post.  So here we go!

SIX THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME

#1.  What is the best piece of advice anyone has ever given you?  Definitely something my mom said to me about 4 years ago.  Probably the most simple piece of advice ever, but it had the biggest impact on me:  "just enjoy your life."  I would worry, have terrible anxiety and panic attacks.  When my mom told me that, those four little words put everything into perspective.  Just another reason why I adore my mother.

#2.  If you could meet any blogger in person, who would you choose?  Ooooh, that's a toughie.  I've already met Catherine and she's amazing.  I would love to meet Allie Bug, duh!  And Chels from Red Velvet Rooster.  She's so sweet and we have a lot in common.

#3.  What's your biggest struggle in life?  Aside from the obvious (my weight), I would say my excessive worrying and anxiety.  I also have panic attacks as well, which SUCK.  I do take medicine for these things, but sometimes my body goes in it's own path and I just have an anxious day.  Luckily, those days are becoming more and more sparse.  

#4.  What's something you love about yourself?  Well, if you just want me to be bragadocious... lol.  I'm definitely a giver.  I always want to do things for other people to make them happy.  And my sense of humor isn't too bad either.

#5.  Favorite thing to do in your spare time?  Spare time?!  What's that?  Haha.  I do love a good snuggle on the couch with a reality TV marathon.  I love to sit down with a good book and just read for hours.  It sounds crazy, but my hobbies really change with the season.  Hanging by the pool, BBQing, picnics, old movie marathons by the fireplace, football games (HS, College & NFL), etc... and I have a feeling after my surgery shopping will be added to that list somewhere.  ;)

#6.  Who inspires you?  So many people.  My parents, of course.  They've been married 35 years and still love each other so much.  God knows it hasn't been an easy road, but they are truly amazing.  My fiance inspires me to be a better person each day.  He works so hard and asks for very little in return.  And of course I find myself inspired by strangers or random people on a daily basis.

August 16, 2013

Reasons

Coming to work today felt crazy.  Like it was my last day here forever.

That may sound ominous, but I've been known to get crazy feelings before.

 

Wednesday, when I went to the nutritionist class, they suggested all sorts of things to keep me on track after surgery.

For example, keeping your biggest pair of pants.

Well lemme tell ya, mine are pretty big... I won't be getting rid of those bad boys for a while.

Once I start to lose weight after surgery, I never want to forget how I felt as a fat person.

 

Another suggestion they made was to make a list of every.single.reason. why I'm having surgery. 
Even down to the smallest things. 
So, I thought what better place to have that permanently recorded than this blog.

(not in order of importance obviously, my mind is currently jumbled with way too many thoughts.)

 

 

1.  We went to the Braves game with Ben's parents.  I wore a cute summer dress and fixed my hair, but all confidence went down the drain when I could barely (with fat flowing over) fit into the stadium seats.  Embarassing and uncomfortable.  I NEVER want to have that problem again.

 

2.  Asking someone to take our picture BUT ONLY FROM THE SHOULDERS UP PLEASE!!!!

 

 

3.  My health.  Definitely and most importantly my health.  I want to be a mom and I want to get pregnant soon without the worry of complications from obesity.

 

4.  To sit indian style on the floor.  Or really just sit on the floor without being awkward and uncomfortable.

 

5.  So my knees don't hurt anymore.  When I fell at work several months ago, I injured my knee and having so much weight on it everyday makes the pain worse and worse everyday.  I never want to feel my joints ache because of the heaviness of my body.  I want to feel them ache because I went way too hard during Zumba class, or pushed myself to run the extra mile.

 

6.  Nike running shorts.  Through the high school/college years, everyone wore Nike running shorts.  The cute, bright designs with a long tee shirt and some tennis shoes.  Simple.  Never, in my entire life that I can remember, since the discovery of Nike running shorts, have I ever been able to fit into a pair.  Hell, I may hate them once I put them on.  But one of my goals is to fit into some damn Nike running shorts.  And eventually go running in them.

 

and monogrammed?!  shut your mouth.



 

7.  Roller coasters.  It's not rocket science that bigger people don't do roller coasters.  No one can enjoy being on a roller coaster when their seat barely locked and is stabbing their fat in the most uncomfortable places.  No one likes being at Six Flags and having the roller coaster attendant push super hard to make sure my seat locked.  P.S. that just seems frickin dangerous.

 

8. Booths at restaurants.  I guess I should've made a general category of "I'm too big to fit into these places" but really, I need to be reminded.  California Pizza Kitchen, Waffle House, Newks, etc... any place with a booth.  I always think to myself, God that booth looks small.  Except really I'm just that big.  It's not fun squeezing in and out of them and it's especially embarrassing when your fiancé has to help you.  I never want to feel that way again.

 

9.  My future kids.  I want to play with them.  Not sit on the couch and watch them play.  My mom used to get in the floor with me and play Barbies for hours, but at my weight now I probably couldn't sit and play with them for 20 minutes.  I want to push them on a swing.  I want to sit in the stands at the ballpark with the other parents and really be into whatever they are doing.  Am I saying overweight parents don't do this?  No.  I'm just saying it would be hard for me to do.  I want to be one of those moms pushing the jogging stroller.  Every time I drive by one of them, I'm always thinkinggood for you lady, you're doing it right.  I want to be a great mom, an active mom, a healthy mom and a fun mom.  And being tired from being fat isn't the definition of any of those.

 

10.  Ben.  The man I love more than anything in this world.  Who every time I think about him, my stomach flutters because I'm so lucky to love and have love in return.  He's loved me at my heaviest and he's going to continue to love me at my skinniest.  I know I will be a better wife, with more energy for house work, yard work, and fun stuff that we want to do.  I remember being in Panama City Beach and Ben wanting to ride a virtual reality ride near the beach.  I lied and told him it would make me sick, so we didn't do it.  The truth was that there was a weight limit posted on the outside of the ride and I was terrified they wouldn't let me in or ask me my weight.  So we just kept walking.

 

11.  Clothes.  Duh.  Who doesn't want to feel good and look good in clothes?  I hate having to pull my shirt down in the back when I'm sitting down because my fat ass pushes it up.  Or make sure that some fabric hasn't gotten stuck in between my boobs and my belly.  Or that my belly isn't hanging slap out of the bottom of my shirt.  And don't even get me started on pants.  NONE OF THEM FIT.  I can't even really buy jeans from Lane Bryant because they don't fit right and they simply don't look cute.  I literally couldn't tell you the last time I wore jeans.  I know for a fact I haven't worn them at all in 2013.

 

12.  TO BE HAPPY.  To not worry that people are looking at me, thinking that I'm way too big to be wearing a certain dress or skirt or shirt or shoes.

 

 

more to come.

I am still going to post a before picture, I just have to get Ben to take one.

Let me tell you I DREAD IT.

And thank you for all of your continued support.

it means more than you know.

August 18, 2013

yesterday && tomorrow

Well.  

Today is my last normal day at home before surgery.  

And it will only be normal until about 5:00 when I have to take a whole bottle of Miralax and start pooping all night.
The old dreaded bowel prep.  God help me.

Yesterday wasn't such a great day.  I was hungry.  I was so extremely irritable.

Ben has been desperately trying to find a Google ChromeCast and every store we go to is always sold out.

So apparently, as Ben recollects, I was "loud and sounded super angry" when talking to the guy about the sold out status.
Honestly, I don't think I even realized what was happening in the moment.

I think people call that hunger amnesia.  Totally an official medical diagnosis, in case you were wondering.

exactly.

I also got $200 worth of post surgery groceries.  Mostly included soup, beans, peas, other veggies that can be cooked into "mushy food," jello, pudding, melba toast, protein shakes, water, etc... It sounds awful, but my stomach will be so small that I won't be able to eat much anyway.  I think the one thing I'm looking forward to the most is scrambled eggs.  It is the most "normal" food out of everything I can eat.

Today I am trying to get the house in order, the laundry done and my bag packed for surgery.
They told me to buy a robe, slippers, and bring pajamas for two nights at the hospital.

So what did I do?

I bought fuzzy flip flop slippers, a flamingo patterned robe, cheetah print pajama pants (Lord they are so soft!), a lace PJ top and a super soft nightgown.  I mean, I may as well look cute if I'm going to feel like hell, right?
Exactly.

I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 and surgery will probably start around 7:30.
I will be in recovery for 1-2 hours and will be out of it for most of the afternoon.
I'm nervous and excited and anxious to start my new journey!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!
I will be sure and update you all as soon as possible after surgery.
You can follow me on Twitter:  @themeighanb
That will be the easiest way for me to update everyone.

Love you all!  See you on the flip side!

August 21, 2013

whoa, that was rough.

The last two days have been a total blur. I'm not real sure I'm 100% with it today either, but oh well. 

I remember going into the OR and then what seemed like 3 minutes later being in recovery saying "ow ow" over and over again from the pain. They kept me pretty doped up that first day and night. 

I remember my parents, grandparents, Ben and his mom being there all to support me, which was lovely. 

I had a drain in until this morning, draining my wound. Let me tell you, that was not my idea of fun. Most of my pain came from that, and when they pulled it out it felt like they were pulling my guts out along with it. (TMI? sorry.)

I also couldn't pee after surgery from anesthesia so they had to re-catheterize me to empty my bladder. There is nothing like a nurse being ALL UP IN your lady business first thing in the morning. Not super pleasant, but I'm sure they've seen worse. 

Now I'm home and working on walking as much as possible and drinking as much as I can. They had to fill me up with gas so I'm trying to walk all of that out of my body. Also trying not to develop any blood clots. 

I'm just so happy to be home. I know this is all a rambled, jumbled mess but I lived to tell about it regardless. 

Love you all LOTS. 

Thanks for the support!