10 Things I Love About Myself

I started writing this post about all the times that life has been hard for me... being overweight, trying to be someone I'm not, etc... But I don't want to write that post today.  I've talked a lot about how far I've come and some of the challenges I've faced, but today I want to just give myself some props.  I think it's important that we stop, just once in a while, and remind ourselves why we are awesome.  I've toughed out a lot of things, but I also have so many things to be happy and thankful for.

[linking up with Allie]

1. My legs.  This is a weird one for me, especially to put at number one, but I love my legs!  They have cellulite, but they are thinning out so much.  I feel comfortable in shorts and I feel confident going into warm weather.  No more long pants in 100 degree weather for this chick! 
2. My hair.  We've had quite the journey, but my hair is growing back!  With the right products and lots of protein and vitamins, this hair is making a comeback!  
3. My willpower.  I have never exhibited willpower like I have now; never in my life.  I am more inclined to push myself at the gym, and to go to the gym even when I don't feel like it.  Example:  last night.  I went to the grocery store, came home and had no intention of going to the gym.  But I knew I needed to, so I went.  Willpower, people.
4. My strength.  Not physical strength, although I can tell a big difference in how strong I've become, but my mental strength.  My strength of soul, if you will.  I just feel strong and good, like I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.  (news flash:  I can.  and so can you.)
5. My support system.  My fiance, my best friend, my parents, my coworkers, my Facebook friends, my blogging friends, my family; so many people inspire me and motivate me without even knowing it.  And I take ownership over the fact that these people are incredible individuals who I love dearly.
6. My obsession with healthy food.  Honestly, it's just something I never thought would happen.  Fage Greek Yogurt, I'm looking at you.
7. My perseverance.  This applies to two sections of my life:  weight loss and school.  In both areas, I've wanted to give up so many times.  But here I am, pushing forward with 97 less pounds and a 4.0 GPA.  Self-doubt is stupid, y'all!
8. My willpower.  Did I already say this one?  Okay, I did, but did I mention that I haven't had a soft drink- my biggest pre-surgery weakness!- since two weeks before surgery?  True story.  I thought it would be my toughest obstacle, but I've never even looked back.  Sorry Dr. Pepper, I don't miss you.
9. My confidence.  Short and simple, it's skyrocketed.  And I feel amazing.
10. My happiness.  I'm genuinely, insanely, crazy amounts of happy.

Thank you, Lord, for this blessed life.

And if you comment, you MUST say at least one thing you love about yourself!

57:53

This is my 50th post on this blog!  Yay!

I completed my first 5k!  And it only took me almost 60 minutes... 57 minutes and 53 seconds, to be exact.  But you know what, I don't care.  Because I started it, I walked a good bit and jogged a semi-good bit (does that make sense?) and I ran across the finish line.  Not walked, but ran.  And for that, I am pretty damn proud of myself.

First, I would just like to say that A) my legs look thin!  I never thought I'd say that.  And B) that train behind me came through just as we were almost to the tracks, which we had to cross to get to the starting line.  I was freaking out because people were running across the tracks AS THE TRAIN WAS COMING.  Like, yeah, I want to start the race on time as well, but I'm not going to RUN IN FRONT OF AN ONCOMING TRAIN.  Foolishness.

We started out walking and I would tell Ben when I wanted to jog.  And whenever we did, I would set small goals for our jogs.  Like, from this lamp post to the next  OR this red light to that red light OR one full block.  It just made it easier for me, rather than just run as far as I could.

I would also like to say that running requires a whole different kind of conditioning for your body.  I've been working with Gene The Personal Trainer since November, and I've conditioned myself pretty well for cardio.  But running... that is a totally different ball game, people!  My ankles are still stiff and a bit sore.  And my body in general was in shock, I think.  But that just makes me want to work on it even more.  

I told Ben that by my 30th birthday, which is 23 and a half months from now, I would like to be able to do a half marathon.  I'm not going to hold myself too tightly to that goal, since I do want to have kids by then as well, but it gives me incentive to work on running more than I ever have.  I like the idea of running, and even though I was hurting and tired after the mere 3 miles we did, I felt good while doing it.  And I'm so glad Ben was there to encourage me.  Especially since about 2.5 miles in I was feeling pretty tired and felt like my calf might start to cramp any second.  My tennis shoe was also rubbing a nice blister on my right heel as well.

All in all, I am just really proud of myself.  I signed up for another 5k next month with my friend Rene and I'm really excited about it since it's the Color Me Rad 5k.  Just like The Color Run, just a different name and race.  I will definitely try to condition my body a little more before then.  I'm so glad that I can say I accomplished a goal I set for 2014.  It feels truly awesome.

TOP:  (L) I'm ready!  (R)  Me and my love!

BOTTOM:  (L) A crowd of about 3,300!  (R) Made it to the car- OMG why did we park so far away?!

(just ignore how my face looks without makeup.  I was not going to go full-face to the 5k, guys.)

tough it out tuesday

I haven't done a link-up since I stopped writing in my old lifestyle blog, but this one is pretty fitting since it's based all around, what else, WEIGHT LOSS!  My really sweet friend Allie decided that it was time to change her life for the better by losing weight and getting fit!  She is doing so well.  She is someone who really inspires me and we encourage and empower each other on a daily basis.  I'm so lucky to have her as my friend!  So here we go, Tough it out Tuesday!

Lately, I have been just so hungry.  And I know exactly why:  because I've been eating more and more carbs.  Obviously, there are a ton of reasons why the doctors tell you not to eat carbs after surgery.  They make you gain weight!  And they make you hungry, which makes you eat more, which makes you gain weight!  The cycle is vicious my friends, just vicious.  I have been trying to do so much better.  I worked out with Gene on Saturday after a semi-long hiatus and felt really, really good.  Yesterday, I felt tired and sluggish because I had some of my cousin's homemade bread.  Today, I craved chocolate so bad it hurt!  I'm just going to be frank for one minute and say that PMS is an evil bitch.  Or maybe that's just me while I'm having PMS, but nonetheless, it will jack you up.  

PMS after Gastric Bypass is HARD.  Before surgery, I would've gone down to the snack machine, gotten a Hershey's and a 20 oz. Coke and been perfectly satisfied with myself.  Now, I have to actively search for healthy alternatives that will somehow satisfy my monthly craving for either extremely sweet or extremely salty.  Today, I went down to the snack machine and stared at it for like 10 minutes.  After 10 minutes, I bought a Twix.  A FREAKING TWIX PEOPLE!  I can't eat that!  But I sure as hell sat there, on the second floor of my building, and straight up ate the whole thing!  

yes, I did take a picture.

THAT is a complete loss of control if there ever was one.  I felt so ashamed and like I was old Meighan, hiding food from my coworkers.  And of course, like 15 minutes later, I felt absolutely retched.  Because I'm not supposed to have that kind of stuff! Duh!! I can't let myself fall back into those habits, EVER.  And I can't even figure out when I started letting myself slip a little... and it's frustrating.

So this post is about honesty.  I didn't tough it out.  Instead, I gave in and did something that made me feel shame I haven't felt in six months.  Maybe, in a twisted way, it's the reminder I needed to never go back to that place ever again.  No more chocolate.  No more Twix.  No more giving in.

I'm tough and I can do this.  I went through surgery knowing I would have to fight like hell to achieve my goals and that there would be bumps along the way.  So I'm ready to be over the hurdle and back on the horse, racing to the finish line.  

Or, in my case, to the bikini store to stock up on legit two pieces for the honeymoon.

Ultimate motivation.