working out & shopping.

October 23, 2013

I haven't been to the gym in forever.  Well, like two weeks.  I've walked around the neighborhood and ran in place in the living room, but I haven't been to the gym.  Ben joined and has been going like crazy, and he's even lost 25 lbs!  SO proud of him.  My sweet future mother-in-law took me shopping on Sunday and bought me several pieces of "transition" clothing from Lane Bryant.  I'm still in plus sizes, but my size has gone down tremendously.  Before I tried anything on, Martha told me that for every 10 lbs you lose, you would go down a clothing size.  I didn't believe it, but it's true!  I really went down about 5 sizes.  It was unbelievable how different and good I felt trying on clothes, rather than discouraged and frustrated.  So now I have a few sweaters, an awesome sweater dress, and a few shirts to wear throughout the cold weather until I lose another significant amount of weight and have to shop again.  I have tons of pants in my closet that will eventually fit, so we just got shirts and warm stuff.  Martha is such a blessing in my life!  She's always supportive and encouraging and I couldn't be more grateful for her.

So, back to my original point:  I am going back to the gym.  Tonight.  We have a meeting with a potential wedding photographer and after that I am going to sweat it out!  I gotta get to sweating for the wedding!  (Isn't that just so clever... I want a shirt that says that!  Hello, etsy...)

Still holding tight at 50 pounds lost.  We went to Tuscaloosa and did LOTS of walking over the weekend, so I thought I might drop a couple more pounds.  But that's okay.  Slow and steady wins the race.
SW:  311
CW:  261
- 50 lbs

minus 50.

October 18, 2013

On Monday I will be 9 weeks post surgery.  Some days, I still can't believe it.  It has been the biggest blessing in my life.  I feel better in so many ways-  my health, my confidence, my activity level...
And today I reached my biggest milestone yet:

minus 50 lbs.
I'm so happy and proud of myself.  I did have my first episode of dumping syndrome over the weekend and it was way worse than they described.  You wouldn't think chicken wings would be something you could eat post gastric bypass, but as long as they are baked or smoked they are fine.  And actually a really good source of protein as long as you watch the kind of sauce put on them.  So not thinking straight, we went to Hooters for some chicken wings.  ROOKIE MISTAKE.  They fry theirs and let me tell you, it TORE ME UP.  I was extremely dizzy, nauseated, sweating and felt like I was going to pass out.  Nothing I did helped, either.  It lasted for about 5 hours-  the most miserable 5 hours I can remember.
I'm going to post some pictures soon.  I need to be better about doing that, but the last picture I posted was in the 280's, so I'm excited to put them all side by side and see the difference!  Also, we are going to the Alabama game in Tuscaloosa tomorrow and I can't wait to see the difference of how I fit in the stadium seats.  Before, we've been super crunched in there.  Mostly because they make those "seats" on the benches SUPER small to fit as many people as possible, but also because I was so big!  I would have to squeeze my arms in front of me to make sure it wasn't cramping anyone else.
50 lbs... wow.  What a feeling.  Seeing that scale this morning brightened my whole day.  I'm loving life so much!
SW: 311
CW: 261
-50 lbs

weak & strong

October 10, 2013

Before surgery, I was a huge soft drink lover.  We always kept them in the house and I would have at least two a day.  So lately, especially during PMS week, I have been craving cokes and diet cokes like crazy.  I had some MAJOR moments of weakness the past several days.  I kept trying to convince myself that one sip of a coke wouldn't hurt me.  Over and over again, I would try to find some way in my mind to make it okay.  But, duh!  It isn't okay and it wouldn't have been.  It would've probably made me sick from the sugar, and maybe even given me a stomach ulcer.  Totally not worth it.  I always ended up on sane side of things, knowing I couldn't drink any soft drinks and knowing that I didn't want to.  The point is to be HEALTHY!  I can honestly say that those moments of weakness were some of the hardest and emotionally painful moments I've had in my life.  I know that sounds crazy and exaggerated, but it is the 100% truth. And definitely the most difficult time I've had since surgery.

But here's where the strong part comes in:  I'm strong.  Stronger than I ever thought I could be.  And I have the surgery to thank for that.  I'm literally, emotionally, & mentally stronger.  And I proved that to myself when I didn't take a drink of those terrible, no good cokes.

My Gastric Bypass Story Pt. 3: Surgery Time

October 4, 2013

The days leading up to surgery were indescribable.  I was feeling so many emotions-  anxious, nervous, hesitant, curious, scared, hopeful, and ready.  I kept telling myself I was ready to do this, ready to change.  I had mentally prepared myself for all of the changes I had to make, but something inside me still couldn't believe I was actually going to have this surgery.

I got my surgery date five days before surgery and had to immediately go on a liquid diet.  Sugar free popsicles, tomato soup, sugar free jello/pudding, etc... I was supposed to do it for 14 days, but since I needed to have my surgery in August (for work purposes), they said five days would be fine.  I was weak and irritable by the time the week was over.  I'm pretty sure I yelled at a Best Buy employee and embarrassed Ben, but I couldn't help it.  I WAS HUNGRY.

My surgery was scheduled for Monday, so on Sunday I had to do clear liquids only:  broth, popsicles, tea, water, etc...  At 5:00 I also had to mix a bottle of Miralax with Gatorade and drink it to do the dreaded bowel cleanse.  It wasn't as bad as I thought.  Since I had been on liquids for the past several days, there wasn't really that much left in my system.  So I ran to the bathroom for several hours, letting out little by little, and finally was able to go to sleep.

Monday morning, Ben and I woke up at 4:00 am to get ready to go to the hospital.  I had to shower with the special pre-surgery antibiotic soap before we left and finish packing my bags for the two nights I would have to stay.  The car ride to the hospital was scary.  It was still pitch black outside and I started to feel panicky.  Ben did his best to console me, but I was so nervous.  More nervous than I'd ever been in my entire life.  This was my first surgery in my entire life. I was scared to death.

We finally got to the hospital, I paid my deductible and went into get registered for surgery.  Ben waited in the waiting room for his mom and my parents to arrive.  Ben's mom arrived before my parents and came in to see me just as the nurse was done taking my vitals and telling me everything they were going to do.  I was trying so hard not to become emotional.  The nurse kept saying to me, "I just want you to know that we will take great care of you and give you the best care possible."  By the third time she said it, right as Martha walked in, I started crying.  And as soon as I saw Martha, I started crying even harder.  All of the emotion I had held in about the surgery came pouring out.  Martha prayed over me, just as my parents and Ben had done the night before, and I knew that I was truly in God's hands.

My parents came in next and I started to cry again.  I hated myself for crying in front of them, because I knew the more I seemed scared, the more they would worry.  I said my "see you laters" to my parents, Martha and Ben and was taken to the holding area.  The only way I know how to describe how I felt in the holding area was shock.  I kept staring at everything, emotionless, reminding myself that they do this all the time.  It seemed like eternity until someone came to start my IV's and even longer until the doctor came by.  He was perky and in a good mood, which made me feel good.  They started my IV and I was left alone again for a while.  I noticed this painting above the nurses station that said, "Some Must Watch While Others Sleep."  I looked to my right and there it was again on the wall, this time with paintings of angels around it.  And again on the left wall, with more angels.  I have never felt more comforted by God than when I saw that quote.  That's when I knew, God has me and everything is going to be fine.

The nurse anesthetist came and gave me a little push of Versed into my IV to relax me.  I'm sure it did relax me a little bit, but I did NOT feel relaxed.  It must have worked because I don't really remember being pushed to the operating room.  I remember suddenly being there and the CRNA telling me to "scoot"  from the rolling bed to the OR table.  The OR was like nothing I'd ever seen:  bright white and super clean.  Once I got on the OR table, the nurse said she was going to put a pillow under my head.  And that it wouldn't feel comfortable but that's how it needed to be.

The last thing I remember is saying, "I'm about to have a panic attack, I'm about to have a panic attack, I'm about to have a pa..."

And what seemed like just a few minutes later, I was waking up.

PMS post Gastric Bypass.

October 2, 2013

Lately, I'm sure Ben has wanted to kill me.  Between wedding planning and PMS, I have been a serious B-I-T-C-H.  Let's just go ahead and take wedding planning out of that equation, because it's definitely just the post surgery PMS.

We all know what happens when we have PMS.  We want a coke and a Hershey's- or some other delicious, super unhealthy food- to satisfy our womanly craving.  I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THAT.  I have been on a roller coaster of emotions for the past week, and still not started my period FYI.  I've felt discouraged, depressed, super angry, extremely irritable and sometimes all of the above at once.  It hasn't been pretty.

PLUS. Up until this morning, I'd hit a plateau.  I can't even.

I need to figure out what I can eat/drink/do to satisfy my PMS cravings/feelings.  Maybe it's partly (or mostly) mental, but some days I have just felt downright miserable.  Like I was being held in a torturous PMS prison hell.  (too dramatic?)

So that's why I haven't updated in a week or so.  I didn't think y'all wanted to hear me complain and whine about all of this, even though I'm pretty sure that's what I just did.

I did take a leap of faith on Saturday and tried lean ground beef for the first time since surgery.  I was really worried it would be too heavy on my stomach, but I tolerated it just fine!  I was so happy.  It tasted different than I remembered.  It's been over two months since I've had hamburger meat and it just tasted so bland.  I even put a whole packet of taco seasoning in the mix.  Maybe I just need to remember my awesome mixture of spices and seasonings I used in the past to make it yummy.  Or maybe it just isn't as good as I always thought...

The scale did move this morning, but only 1.5 lbs.  After being stuck at 273.0 for a week, I'm ready to see it drop like, 10 lbs!  Every morning, when 273.0 popped up on the scale, I would lightly bang my head against the wall. (again, dramatic)

I'm working on it.  Day by day.  It's a struggle and it's amazing at the same time.  Every time I turn around I'm discovering something new-  food, a workout, a motivation.  But one thing's for sure, I'm not giving up.

SW:  311
CW:  271.5
-1.5 since last update
+4.5 from greatest loss (go away!)
-39.5 lbs