good times & hard times

September 6, 2013

Last night was hard.  I went to the gym but was not feeling my workout.  Nothing seemed to be working.  The music wasn't right, the bike kept going into pause mode even though I was pedaling, and I just didn't feel that I had that much energy.  I wouldn't say I felt defeated, just not as motivated as usual.  I also spoke to a personal trainer about their rates- um, expensive- and I'm thinking about hiring one at some point.  I think I need to lose a significant amount of weight and then tighten up.  ...Right?  Truthfully, I don't know what the correct process is.  All I know is that I am doing 30 minutes 5 times a week like they said.

When I got home from my less than stellar workout, Ben was home from out of town and I was so glad to see him.  He's always so supportive and encouraging that it was difficult with him being gone-  even for just two nights.  I was in a good mood and we were watching football, but every single commercial was about food.  New Burger King fry burger.  New Ruby Tuesday Pretzel bun burger.  Dunkin Donuts breakfast steak griller.  Ice cold Pepsi.  Ice cold Coca-Cola.  And on and on and on... In that moment, I missed the bad food.  I wanted to get in the car and go through every drive-thru and gorge myself until I was sick (which I would be).  Even knowing how bad those foods were for me, I ate them for so long.  I'm so lucky to have Ben, truly.  He noticed I was upset, asked me to talk about it and we did.  I know these feelings are normal and I know I made the decision to have surgery- I don't regret it- but that doesn't mean it isn't hard sometimes. 

And I know it will get easier.  I keep forgetting that I'm less than 3 weeks out of surgery.  It seems like forever ago!  Monday will be 3 weeks officially that I had surgery.  That is such a small amount of time and I forget that I am still adjusting to everything.  This is where I really need to work on having more patience.  My nickname is Veruca for nothing.

I fell asleep feeling comforted and reassured that everything was going to be fine.  And when I woke up, the scale said I had lost another pound.  So all that worrying for nothing!  I should take the fact that my pants are literally falling off as a sign that things are going in the right direction... lol.
This weekend I have a meeting with a fundraising team for Leukemia & Lymphoma, and Ben and I are going to look at a wedding venue. Too many good things going on right now to not feel inspired and motivated!
SW:  311
CW:  286.5
-24.5 lbs


  1. Proud of you for being strong and getting through that difficult moment. I know those all too well and the sad thing is I usually give in. I am such a bad eater, it's ridiculous. And, like you said, I know those foods are bad for me yet I continue to eat them. I have been a little better about going to the gym though! Just hang in there and things will keep getting better. You are already down almost 25 pounds!

  2. I'm so proud of you - I love you bunches! Oh, and I made a spaghetti squash pizza crust today hoping I could post it and dedicate it to you. It sucked - but I will continue to try until I get it right!

  3. I totally understand where you're coming from! I get annoyed when I see people eating bad stuff on Instagram because I want it and I can't have it.. but it's worth it and I've slipped up and hated myself and the way I felt after! You're doing amazing :)