out of my mind.

March 20, 2014

I did something crazy tonight.  It's every girl's nightmare and for some reason, I thought I was in shape to take on the task of... wait for it... bathing suit shopping.

Good God it was horrific.  I have worked hard on my body and losing weight.  I have lost 96 pounds, which is a mere four pounds away from 100 pounds lost.  But when I stepped into the dressing room at Target with my bandeau tops and regular non-shorts bottoms, I felt like I was losing my mind.  I took some pictures which I'm not sure I'm ready to share just yet, but they didn't make me feel good.

You would think that I would walk out of there with pride of how far I've come and motivation to keep going, but all I could think about was how Target is my own personal body image hell.  If you want to go somewhere that makes you feel worse than you've ever felt about your body, just go to Target.  I'm not sure what it is, but it gets me every time.  The lighting and bright red walls bring out every stretch mark and lump of cellulite.

Thank God I went to Old Navy as well, or else I would probably be sinking into a deep bikini based depression.  Target's clothes are obviously for tiny people.  I don't understand how an XL from Old Navy can be loose on me and an XXL from Target can be tight...?  Does that make sense to anyone?  Because it doesn't to me.

BUT.  I'm not complaining by any means.  I know sometimes it seems as though I'm shouting, "wah wah, I lost 95 pounds in seven months, poor me, I can't wear a bikini yet..." but I'm not trying to.  Just another open and honest post for the old blog.

After I walked around Target for like, an hour and a half, I left with a motivated attitude and the realization (once again) that it's going to take time for me to get to my goal weight.  I'm going to have to keep working hard, keep working out, start food planning and being really strict about my food, and just keep pushing my body to new limits.

There are always going to be difficult moments, but I'm never going to give up.
Summer starts in exactly three months.
Three months people...
Three months.

SW:  311
CW: 215
-96 lbs


  1. I stopped buying clothes from Target for that VERY reason! They are made too small!

    You are doing fantastic girl and you will look amazing come time for your wedding and honeymoon! Keep your head up!

  2. U can only do ur best. Keeping going and keep remembering how far you have come. x

  3. I am slowly entering back into the blog world and all I can say is OH MY GOD!!!! You have done amazing! I can't believe you have already lost nearly 100lbs!!! You were beautiful before weight loss, but you can see in your pictures how great you feel now which is awesome! Targorexia can suck it...their clothes are made for twigs!

    Chels @ Red Velvet Rooster

  4. I looked at swimsuits at Target last weekend and they were all soooooo tiny. Cute, but tiny. Even if I were a twig I don't think I could bring myself to wear them. Old Navy and Lane Bryant are usually my swimsuit go to places. Torrid looks like they have some cute ones too!

  5. Target has taken part in what is called Vanity Sizing; we studied about it in my marketing class. They are promoting vanity and "Self-awareness" by making their clothes smaller and smaller. Old Navy did it for a little while and realized it was losing them customers because it was causing them to be self-conscious in their brand of clothing. It's disgusting, if you ask me. I rarely shop at Target for clothes anymore. Target is my go-to home décor place. I am so proud of you, though! You have come so far and great things are to come!!

  6. UGHHHHHH don't remind me that bathing suit season is upon us. I am so not ready to face my own self in one just yet. Target has been pissing me off with their clothes lately! They work out clothes fit me fine...but everything else I try on is awful! For shame Target, FOR SHAME!

  7. I so identify with your bathing suit frustrations.I ended up ordering online with Lands End and loved my purchase! I'm a different size top and bottom, so got a great custom fit without the custom price. I also used these crazy wraps that tightened my tummy and my thighs! You don't have to hide under your bathing suit cover ups any longer !!!