time for a little honesty.

May 14, 2014

"pain breeds strength, trust your struggle."

I hate to admit this, but I got that quote from Iggy Azalea.  Yes, the rapper chick with a filthy mouth.  For some reason, I'm obsessed with her.  Like, she's white.  And from Australia.  But she's a hard rapper chick who's "into murder bidnas."  I don't know, I just love her.  I watched an interview online last night where she was talking about her struggles and getting a record deal.  I can assure you, I am never going to get a record deal, even if they had a record company who was solely interested in the loudest, most obnoxious car singers.  Not even then, people.  But lately, my life has been like that picture up there.  

Struggling through a foggy staircase just trying to reach the top... 
the light at the end of the tunnel, if you will.  

I don't want this blog to turn into a place for me to come and rant/complain/whine/be stressed about things happening in my life.  I've expressed how busy life is right now.  It truly is the busiest time ever for me.

But the main reason I'm here today is to be honest.  I started this blog to keep myself accountable with my weight loss after surgery, and to talk about my surgery and my journey.  I feel like I've gotten away from that a little bit and I want to take it back to where it all began.

I've lost 100 pounds.  I'm so proud of that.  But lately, I haven't been doing do well with eating and going to the gym.  I'm still eating semi-ok, but as we all know, semi means just half.  So half of the time I'm not eating right.  Let's just be clear... I'm not eating terrible food.  Just food I still shouldn't have after surgery, like bread.  And chips.  We've been eating a lot of Subway lately and I just couldn't bring myself to have their salad anymore, so I decided to start having the sandwiches.  CARBS people.  Carbs are the devil.  In real life and especially in my situation as a gastric bypass patient.

Like, what have I been thinking?  My body has become more comfortable with eating a wider variety of foods, and I just took full advantage of the fact that I probably wouldn't get dumping syndrome from the bread anymore.  

I don't think it's a big secret that I've struggled my entire life with self control and keeping myself accountable.  How else in this world could I have gotten up to 300+ pounds?  I've posted signs up at my desk, on my wall calendar, on our fridge and on my phone, to remind me to eat right and make good decisions.  When life gets busy, it's incredibly easy to forget what you're doing and more importantly, why you're doing it.  Yes, I've lost 100 pounds, but there is still more to lose, more to tone, more to tighten, more to gain, and more to learn.  I don't meal plan, which needs to change.  I forget more often than not that my stomach is tiny and I eat too fast.  I even forget sometimes that I'm getting married and have ordered this amazingly beautiful gown that I want and need to look amazing in.  It's just so easy.

So I am working on it.  I am being honest and telling you all, my friends and even some people I may not know, that I haven't been doing so well.  But I'm trying and I'm getting back on the wagon as of yesterday.  (A mini emotional breakdown will sometimes throw you back into reality, in case you didn't already know.)  I started this blog for a very specific reason-  to be open and honest about every aspect of my journey;  the good, the bad and the ugly.  So that's what I'm going to keep doing.

As always, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your support, words of encouragement, and just overall awesomeness.  All my love, always.


  1. Prayers for strength, self-control, and patience - coming right up! :) One day at a time; every day is a new day. If you messed up yesterday, try again today. :)

  2. So, we already talked about this but you are amazing and you got this!!! We don't look back, we only look forward!

  3. It's so easy to fall back on bad habits, I do it too. More often than I care to admit. But you're holding yourself accountable by simply telling of your back tracking. Keep up your hard work!

  4. I just read through some of your old posts and your story and I just wanted to say that I think your honesty is incredible and what you are doing is inspiring. I've been working on eating healthier and I've been working out (for the first time in my life) and it's so easy to sometimes forget that progress being made when you have a bad couple days or weeks! But you are doing it! Thanks for the encouragement today!

  5. honesty is hard to come by now and days. you got this!

  6. We all have those time when we have to be honest with ourselves. As long as you can remember what you're goal is and get back with it, everything is good. I know you are going to be fine and that you will be even better when you hit your goal. Just always have faith and know that people are cheering you on through this.

  7. Good for you on being honest. I haven't been doing well myself, and I've been blaming my trip to Georgia for part of it. But I had a talk with Philip last night and we agreed that I need to remember why I started this journey and get back to making those healthy decisions. You have come so far! You can do this!