late night Monday update.

Oh hey kids, don't mind me.  It's just 9:00 on a Monday and I'm just now posting a blog post.

This weekend was uneventful and wonderful.  Ben and I slept in, watched movies, watched an insane amount of New Girl (I will get to that in a second) and attempted to get our laundry situation under control.  As per the usual, we failed.  HOW is it possible that TWO people have so many clothes?!  Lord help us when we have kids.  If it isn't under control by then, well then I don't know what to tell you people.  #hotmess

So New Girl.  I watched hours upon hours of Season 2, which of course was amazing, because I thought that Hulu Plus had all of Season 3 available for me to watch.  Well they don't.  When they say you can watch any TV show you want, what they really mean is the last five episodes.  I was maaaaad, oooooh I was so mad.  But alas, it was not time wasted.  I heart Nick, Jess, Cece, & Schmidt all evenly and when Season 3 is available I will glue myself to the couch and watch it.  Like, all of it.

Today at work was pure insanity.  The doctors were back from Spring Break and every person in the metro Birmingham area came in to see one of them.  Can anyone go on SB without hurting themselves?  I mean, Lord.  It can be done people.  But I'm not complaining.  I actually love my job and my co-workers, and I like to be busy, so it was a good day.

I worked out tonight without Gene and without doing a class.  I felt like people were looking at me like "what in the hell is that girl doing over there..." but I just went with it.  I did some abs on the ab machine... then I did some circuit training, some squats, some stuff on the step board, and then I walked/ran.  I only burned about 350 calories, but I was sweating such an insane amount.  And it felt pretty awesome.  I actually felt confident that I could work out on my own and be successful.

It's kind of crazy... I've been trying to stay at 1,000 calories or less every day per my nutritionist.  Even burning just those 350 calories allowed me to eat more for dinner and have some greek yogurt afterwards, putting my total caloric intake for the day at 761.  And I'm perfectly satisfied and not starving to death.  #happydance

I hope you all had a great start to your week!  

SW: 311

CW: 214

-97 lbs

[only 3 lbs away from -100!  omg!  the feeling is unreal]

everyday makeup routine

Okay boys and girls (do any boys even read this blog?) it's high time that we talk about something other than weight loss around here!  Dontcha think?

I was emailing back and forth with Meegan and Nadine the other day about our makeup routines.  I really wanted to post a video with a makeup tutorial, but I can't figure out how to use the video editing software.  WHY does it have to be so difficult!?  (If anyone wants to help me out with that, feel free to advise me on how exactly to edit and "splice" a video.  Because I'm clueless as they come over here.)  So since I couldn't figure out the video stuff, I figured I'd just do a post explaining what I use for each section of my face and how I use it.  Sooooo here we go.  :) 

• First things first-  invest in some good makeup bags.  The blue one is from Bath and Body Works for $6 and the big one (with all the amazing compartments) is from Target for about $20.  Totally worth every penny.

• Second, invest in some good makeup brushes.  One part of my conversation with M&N was about washing our brushes... New flash:  I've never washed mine!  I don't see what the big deal is.  I shake them off when I'm done and they look good as new.  Nonetheless, splurge a little for some good brushes.  Sigma has good ones for pretty good prices.  These three are my staple brushes.

• I don't use foundation or concealer, so I do my eyes first.  It may sound weird to some people, but it's true.  I do save mascara for last, but the rest of the eyes go first, including primer and wrinkle fillers.

step 1: prime eyes with Revlon Wrinkle Filler (red top) and then dab the 5 Sec Blur over that.  I only do this around the side of my eye and under my eye-  it makes a big difference!

step 2: fill in eyebrows with eyebrow stick (the lid has a sharpener!) and then brush with brow brush 

step 3:  line eyes inside top and bottom waterline with black pearl eyeliner from Almay (white stick/black top)

step 4:  use NYX shimmer stick in Iced Mocha to cover full eyelid

step 5:  curl eyelashes- be careful not to pinch your eyelid!  it happens to me more than I'd like to admit.

*remember to save mascara for last!*

• The next step is my powder.  First I use the Revlon ColorStay and then the Revlon Age Defying powder.  I use my flat top brush for this because it fills in better.

brush the ColorStay powder on until face is fully covered.

take the brush and fill it with the Age Defying poweder.

instead of brushing on, dab it all over face for full coverage and to fill in those wrinkles where we used the wrinkle filler/5 sec blur.

• Next comes bronzer and shimmer.  I use the big powder brush for this because I very lightly sweep my whole face with bronzer, followed by the shimmer powder only on my cheeks.  Otherwise your whole face will look oily.  Using it on the cheeks gives you a little extra glow, especially for Spring/Summer.

sweep bronzer over face in light, circular motion.

when using shimmer, also use a light circular motion.

once over each cheek is enough for a perfect glow.

• Next is blush.  I use the cream Dream Bouncy Blush by Maybelline with my fingers and top that with a light coat of the E.L.F. blush, using my anguled brush.

with your fingers, sweep on the cream blush using a back-and-forth motion.

with your brush and powder blush, lightly top the cream blush with circular motions.  use a light hand!

• Before I apply my mascara, I do my lips.  I hate not being able to find the right shade for my lips-  one that isn't over bearing and one that isn't too light.  So I mix either the pink and the nude or the red and the nude.  The pink and red Revlon colors are sheer, so they aren't too bold.  I put one of those on first and then top with just a bit of nude.  When I rub my lips together, they mix into the perfect color.  It's not pictured, but I always top with Revlon Lipgloss in Crystal Water.

• Lastly, add 1-2 coats of mascara.  The Maybelline Full & Soft mascara is great because it gives your lashes fullness without feeling like you've caked the stuff on.  Your lashes stay dark, curled and soft all day.

voila!

I know this seems like a lot of information, but it really only takes me about 10 minutes to do my makeup.  I do this routine every.single.day.  And at the end of the day, it all comes off with a few swipes of a Target brand makeup remover wipe.  

Easy peasy!

Six Month Surgery Follow Up

I guess Spring has decided to rear it's ugly head, because my eyes (more specifically my left) are watering NON-STOP.  It is beyond annoying.  Someone pass the Benadryl, wouldya?

This week has been entirely too uneventful.  The doctors I work for are on Spring Break and it's boresville around the office.  Ben has been out of town so it's just been me and the spoiled kitty around the house.  I've been lacking motivation in both the school and gym departments, so I've just been eating Fage and watching New Girl.  Just living the dream, kids.

Today I finally had my six month follow up appointment after surgery.  I was technically supposed to check in with the doctor at three months, but between the continuous snow storms and other scheduling conflicts, I never quite made it.  My surgeon was actually out of the office as well, so I had a visit with the Nurse Practitioner.  We basically went over all the small details and while I was in the room with her, it started occurring to me all the changes that have happened since I had surgery.  I think this calls for a list, don't you?

• I can cross my legs.  BOTH of them.  Before surgery, I could no longer cross my right leg, which was really frustrating for so many reasons.  Now, I can cross my right leg over my left and vice versa with ease.  I can't even remember a time when I could comfortably cross my left leg over my right.  But people, it's happening.

left over right, right over left.  easy peasy.  

and yes, I did take pictures in the waiting room...

•  I take up way less room on the chairs in the waiting room.  Essentially, they are made for two people to sit, sort of like a leather bench of sorts.  But since this is a clinic where severely obese people come, I'm sure some of them need the bigger seats to be able to sit.  It occurred to me when I got into the office that I could easily fit myself and another person with room to spare.

made for two people, but before surgery I took up almost the whole thing.  

today, I had my own little side and room to share.

• I'm following the rules like I should be.  The CRNP went over a lot of "reminders" with me and I was happy that I followed all of them.  I hadn't realized that over the past seven months, I had made certain things habit, like not drinking while eating my meal.  I'm sure there have been times when I needed a sip or two, but I don't drink while eating.
• I need to stay motivated and keep telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat.  (I swear if I hear that one more time, I'm going to puke.  But it's true, so whatever.)  The scale is fluctuating, but I am building muscle and muscle helps my metabolism and helps me burn fat.  SO.  Stay motivated.

I know the girls in the office see people transform all the time, but they were so sweet and couldn't believe how much weight I had lost.  I can't really believe it either.  

All the more reason to keep going. 

 I never want that feeling of shock, happiness and accomplishment to end.

#1800minutechallenge

click me.

Every time I feel like I need to figure out a new routine at the gym, a new class to take, or a new way to motivate myself, Erin comes through with yet another brilliant idea.  If you haven't been to Living in Yellow, you've obvs been living under a rock.

My wedding is a little more than 6 months away.  Summer is right around the corner.  And for some reason, with everything I have going on, I sometimes find it hard to get motivated to work out.  [After work, school, wedding stuff and life in general, making it to the gym sometimes hits the back burner.  I'm not proud of it, but it happens.] So I joined Erin's challenge and will be working out approximately 30 minutes a day in some capacity.  God knows I have tons of workout DVD's at home and since it's still light out in the evenings, I can work on my running/jogging/walking.  Having one more thing to keep me accountable helps kick my butt into shape.  WEDDING DRESS, MEIGHAN.  WEDDING.DRESS.

So there's that.  Also, I promise sometime this week I will do a Six Flags post and I will post a video answering your questions soon!  Lots to do, people.

Don't forget to check out Allie's post for Tough It Out Tuesday!  Have a good day lovelies!

healthy is the new skinny.

via

It seems as though I've forgotten lately what this journey is all about.  I've been so caught up with fitting into Nike shorts, fitting into the seats at Six Flags, how my legs still look like jelly even though I've been doing squats until I could throw up, how I would look in a two piece bikini.  

I bought shorts at Old Navy last night and felt like they looked pretty good.  I've never been a shorts person, for obvious reasons, but these were the closest thing to Nike shorts I could find that actually fit AND they were $10 rather than $50.  When I got home, Ben wanted to see what I had purchased, so I put on the shorts and showed him.  This is my fiance, people.  He has seen my legs.  He is familiar with how my body has changed and is still changing.  But for some reason, I felt so insecure and felt the need to ask him, "will you be ashamed to be seen with me if I wear these shorts?"  He just looked at me like I had asked him something in a foreign language.  I know better.  I know he never has and never will be ashamed of me in any capacity.  I just... I don't know.  I blame Target, to be honest.

Target is where self esteem goes to die.  

Y'all think I'm kidding, but I'm not.  It threw so much of my confidence out the window and brought back insecurities I haven't felt in months.  And I refuse to let a retailer of clothing have that effect on my confidence, my self esteem, and my self worth.

The whole point at the beginning of this journey was to be healthy.  I don't ever want to lose sight of that main goal.  I want to have healthy kids.  I want to be a healthy, active wife.  I want to keep pushing my body's limits to the edge with new classes, new workouts, new foods, and new goals.  

I WANT TO KICK ASS AT LIFE.

If for some reason those Nike running shorts never fit my body quite right, that will be just fine with me.  If I can never get into the floor and sit perfect indian style without my leg fat getting in the way, then I will just sit some other way.  But you can bet that I will never stop trying to be the healthiest person that I can be. 

Most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most.  Maybe you'll get everything you wished for.  Maybe, you'll get more than you ever could've imagined.  Who knows where life will take you.  

The road is long, and in the end... the journey is the destination. 

 P.S. you are beautiful.

out of my mind.

I did something crazy tonight.  It's every girl's nightmare and for some reason, I thought I was in shape to take on the task of... wait for it... bathing suit shopping.

Good God it was horrific.  I have worked hard on my body and losing weight.  I have lost 96 pounds, which is a mere four pounds away from 100 pounds lost.  But when I stepped into the dressing room at Target with my bandeau tops and regular non-shorts bottoms, I felt like I was losing my mind.  I took some pictures which I'm not sure I'm ready to share just yet, but they didn't make me feel good.

You would think that I would walk out of there with pride of how far I've come and motivation to keep going, but all I could think about was how Target is my own personal body image hell.  If you want to go somewhere that makes you feel worse than you've ever felt about your body, just go to Target.  I'm not sure what it is, but it gets me every time.  The lighting and bright red walls bring out every stretch mark and lump of cellulite.

Thank God I went to Old Navy as well, or else I would probably be sinking into a deep bikini based depression.  Target's clothes are obviously for tiny people.  I don't understand how an XL from Old Navy can be loose on me and an XXL from Target can be tight...?  Does that make sense to anyone?  Because it doesn't to me.

BUT.  I'm not complaining by any means.  I know sometimes it seems as though I'm shouting, "wah wah, I lost 95 pounds in seven months, poor me, I can't wear a bikini yet..." but I'm not trying to.  Just another open and honest post for the old blog.

After I walked around Target for like, an hour and a half, I left with a motivated attitude and the realization (once again) that it's going to take time for me to get to my goal weight.  I'm going to have to keep working hard, keep working out, start food planning and being really strict about my food, and just keep pushing my body to new limits.

There are always going to be difficult moments, but I'm never going to give up.

Summer starts in exactly three months.

Three months people...

Three months.

SW:  311

CW: 215

-96 lbs

just a general blog post for your Wednesday reading.

I couldn't think of a title for today, so sue me.
Also, it's my 7 month surgiversary today!

Whoa.  Zumba full on kicked my boo-tay last night!  The scale is finally moving down and I'm pretty pleased about it.  Last night, I'm pretty sure I sweated more than I ever have during any workout in my life ever.  It was insane.  I was jumping around- jumping- and my knees didn't hurt.  Like, not at all.  I didn't even think about it until I got home and told Ben.  Non scale victory for sure.

I also calculated my BMI for the first time since surgery.  When I went into surgery, my BMI was 53.4.  That is a life threatening, dangerous number to have.  I'm only 5'4", so to be at 311 pounds with a BMI of 53 was not good.  I didn't have significant health problems, like cholesterol or blood pressure before surgery, but it was definitely a "well, not yet..." situation.  So when I calculated it today, it was 37.1  That's such a drastic drop in seven months and I'm so happy about it!  Until I get below 30, I am still considered "obese" but hey, I'll take it!  I'm more in shape than I have been in years.  Like, I never did sports and I never ran and I was a lazy girly girl who loved to eat and watch romantic comedies.  So even though I'm still bigger than I was in high school (at one point) I am definitely more fit and more in shape.  High school Meighan would have quit about 15 minutes into Zumba!  Post-surgery Meighan, however, kicked Zumba's ass without a sip of water.  So take that.

I was finally able to set up my 6 month follow up with my doctor for next week, which means I will be having blood work and whatnot done to check my vitamin levels, etc... I haven't been taking the vitamins like I should, but I feel really great every day so I'm hoping that won't be too big of an issue... Whoopsies.

I also talked to my bariatric advocate yesterday because I started using MyFitnessPal again and wasn't sure how many calories I should be taking in a day.  Well, they emailed me some formula to use to calculate my resting metabolism... or something... and it turns out that I should be eating between 800-1000 calories a day.  Whoof.  I've been eating a lot of the Atkins frozen dinner meals because they are full of protein and super easy for lunch and dinner.  Okay, well... those alone have 350 calories.  I'm seriously sucky at meal planning and I've been thinking about it for a while, so I guess there is no better time than the present to start meal planning every Sunday night for the week.  I tried to set up an appointment with my nutritionist for next Thursday since all the doctors I work for are out for Spring Break, but they are booked until mid-April.  So I will just have to figure it out on my own for a few weeks.  

Lastly, I would just like to say that I am officially five and a half pounds away from 100 pounds lost.

oh what a day that will be.

SW:  311

CW:  216.5

-94.5 lbs

57:53

This is my 50th post on this blog!  Yay!

I completed my first 5k!  And it only took me almost 60 minutes... 57 minutes and 53 seconds, to be exact.  But you know what, I don't care.  Because I started it, I walked a good bit and jogged a semi-good bit (does that make sense?) and I ran across the finish line.  Not walked, but ran.  And for that, I am pretty damn proud of myself.

First, I would just like to say that A) my legs look thin!  I never thought I'd say that.  And B) that train behind me came through just as we were almost to the tracks, which we had to cross to get to the starting line.  I was freaking out because people were running across the tracks AS THE TRAIN WAS COMING.  Like, yeah, I want to start the race on time as well, but I'm not going to RUN IN FRONT OF AN ONCOMING TRAIN.  Foolishness.

We started out walking and I would tell Ben when I wanted to jog.  And whenever we did, I would set small goals for our jogs.  Like, from this lamp post to the next  OR this red light to that red light OR one full block.  It just made it easier for me, rather than just run as far as I could.

I would also like to say that running requires a whole different kind of conditioning for your body.  I've been working with Gene The Personal Trainer since November, and I've conditioned myself pretty well for cardio.  But running... that is a totally different ball game, people!  My ankles are still stiff and a bit sore.  And my body in general was in shock, I think.  But that just makes me want to work on it even more.  

I told Ben that by my 30th birthday, which is 23 and a half months from now, I would like to be able to do a half marathon.  I'm not going to hold myself too tightly to that goal, since I do want to have kids by then as well, but it gives me incentive to work on running more than I ever have.  I like the idea of running, and even though I was hurting and tired after the mere 3 miles we did, I felt good while doing it.  And I'm so glad Ben was there to encourage me.  Especially since about 2.5 miles in I was feeling pretty tired and felt like my calf might start to cramp any second.  My tennis shoe was also rubbing a nice blister on my right heel as well.

All in all, I am just really proud of myself.  I signed up for another 5k next month with my friend Rene and I'm really excited about it since it's the Color Me Rad 5k.  Just like The Color Run, just a different name and race.  I will definitely try to condition my body a little more before then.  I'm so glad that I can say I accomplished a goal I set for 2014.  It feels truly awesome.

TOP:  (L) I'm ready!  (R)  Me and my love!

BOTTOM:  (L) A crowd of about 3,300!  (R) Made it to the car- OMG why did we park so far away?!

(just ignore how my face looks without makeup.  I was not going to go full-face to the 5k, guys.)

Sunday Currently.

Well, this weekend has certainly been one for the books.  I completed my second 5k ever, this time not just walking for the full 3 miles.  I jogged.  My best guy friend and his wife had a baby, which technically makes me an aunt!  (It counts, people.) And we booked our cake baker for the wedding!

Today has been fairly uneventful.  I helped Ben with some yard work earlier today-  and when I say helped, I mean I directed him on which branches to saw off the unfortunately dead tree in front of our house.  I also watched several more episodes of New Girl from the first season and laughed uncontrollably.  Honestly, that's the best discovery I've made in a while.  I want to say Schmidt is my favorite, but is there really a way to pick out of that cast?

Later we will grocery shop, do laundry, and get ready for another week. Honestly, I'm already done with this week.  Friday I am going with my BFF/MOH to see Divergent and I am so excited.  I just finished the last book in the series and I can't wait to see the movie.  Another great discovery, I must say.  If you haven't read the books, I would definitely suggest them!  They sound similar to the Hunger Games, but once you get into them, they really aren't that similar.  (Plus, if you haven't heard of Theo James, google him.  Seriously.  Hot.)  We are also going to Atlanta on Saturday for Six Flags and a spend the night party with our friends Brian and Jessica who just moved there.  

Lastly, I figured I would do something today I haven't done in a while:  The Sunday Currently.  I probably won't do it every Sunday, but today seemed like a good day.  Hope you all had a fabulous weekend!

OH!  I almost forgot... my weight finally dropped out of the 220-somethings! (Not that much, but still...) I was pretty excited when I saw that this morning and am eating healthy today in HOPES that it will stay under 220 tomorrow.

SW:  311

CW:  219

-92 lbs

________________________________________________________________

THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY.

• READING:  "First Love" by James Patterson.  I am such a huge fan of his books.  I'm only a few chapters in, but I am always a sucker for any kind of love story.  I also bought "The Cuckoo Calling" a while back and think I will make that my goal book for April.
• WRITING:  A few different posts about what has been going on with me lately.  I think I mentioned some of my future posts earlier.  Also, really wanting to write in the journal I've had since I was 17.  It was a gift from my grandmother and it has so many memories written in it.
• LISTENING:  To golf in the background.  I like to watch it on TV but it seems like it would be so incredibly boring to actually "play" in person.  Ben loves it though.
• THINKING:  How I should really be finishing up my assignments for this week.  The Computer Information Systems class and U.S. History class are really, really boring.  So it's hard to get motivated.  
• SMELLING:  My Vera Wang 'Princess' perfume that I bought last weekend from Ulta.  I only ever buy the rollerballs and never the full bottles-  I change my mind too much to spend the money on a full bottle.
• WISHING:  That my body wasn't so sore from the 5k yesterday.  I have lost so much weight and conditioned my body so much, but somehow walking and jogging made my body just hurt.  Running is definitely a whole different ball game when it comes to fitness.  Your body has to be conditioned in such a specific way for running.
• HOPING:  This week flies by!  There is fun to be had this weekend, people! 
• WEARING:  The most comfy lounge pants ever from Old Navy and a fresh coat of Essie "E-nuf is E-nuf" on my toes from my recent pedicure.  Loooove this color.  Not pink and not red.  Just right for transitioning from Winter to Spring.
• LOVING:  Dasani Water Drops in Pineapple Coconut.  I am someone who really likes flavors rather than just plain water, and this is delicious.
• WANTING:  Fage Greek Yogurt with Cherry.  Have y'all had these?  They are yogurt on one side and fruit on the other.  You can mix them or dip them.  The peach is fantastic but the cherry is so incredibly delicious.  I'm craving it right about now.
• NEEDING:  The sun to come out.  This girl could use some Vitamin D!
• FEELING:  Happy.  Genuinely happy and blessed.  Life is good, I'm setting and achieving goals for the first time in my life and it feels amazing.

late night blogging.

...And by late night, I mean 8:45 on a Friday.  Seriously guys, par-tay.

I'm over here, in my nightgown, watching episodes of New Girl on Netflix.  (best show ever, BTW.)  Tomorrow morning is the Rumpshaker 5k, and I am so nervous.  Honestly, you'd think it was a half marathon or something.  It's like, 3 miles... But still.  I am going to be walking AND jogging.  And this time, not just once around the neighborhood.  Right now, 3 miles seems so far.

I set a goal for the new year to complete a 5k by not just walking, so tomorrow is my chance.  It probably wasn't the best idea to work out with Gene The Personal Trainer on Wednesday and then do the hardest BodyFlow class ever yesterday.  My legs, hips and back are so sore.  So I have no idea how I will feel after the race tomorrow.  I haven't even properly "trained" to run/jog for any legit amount of time.  Plus, we have to look at wedding cakes and attend our sweet little friend's 3rd birthday party.  After that, I'm pretty sure I'm going to crash.  Ben and the St. Patty's Day party will have to go survive without me.  It's for the best, I can't even drink anyway.

So yeah.  Wish me luck, kids.  This girl is about to complete her first intermittently walked/jogged 5k.

Jesus help.

the project of me.

For a couple of weeks I've been really feeling like "Hunger and Happiness" didn't fit my life anymore.  Will I ever really find the balance between being hungry and being happy?  I think so.  Have I yet?  No.

The Meighan Project is all about me-  my life, my weight loss, my wedding planning, learning to be a runner one asthma attack enducing jog at a time, beauty products, etc... I'm a generic, non-specific blogger.  I'm a work in progress.  So I changed the look of the blog and slapped a new name on it.  It's me, every single day.  The project that will never fully be complete, because there is always room for improvement, learning, growing, etc... 

I love sharing my life with whoever wants to read it.  I talk to new people daily through so many different platforms.  I am told that I'm an inspiration, which is crazy, because so many people inspire me and don't even know it.  I love this world, this life, and this blog.

This is just my beginning, and I'm really freaking happy about it.

 

just a quickie.

Today was stressful for lots of reasons... wedding stuff.  Work stuff.  Started my period.  Ya know, the usual... But I have also been trying to give this blog a proper .com name and I have had THE HARDEST time ever.  Like, thanks for being so stubborn, stupid internet.

Apparently, I put the settings in right (I think), but the internet has to "rediscover" my blog under that name.  Or something?  Who knows.  Hopefully, soon you will all be seeing "www.themeighanproject.com" up there in your search box.  Thanks to Sam, Brooks and Whitney for all trying to help me!  One day I won't be so clueless.  (I sure did lose all that MySpace/Livejournal design/domain knowledge I had so many years ago...)

Anywho.  I didn't really feel like working out today, but after the unfortunate Twix incident of Monday, I figured I may as well go see Gene and let him kick my butt once again.  (and boy did he!  woof.)  AND.  Get ready for it... 

I RAN.  ok I walked/jogged/walked/jogged around the neighborhood one time, but I've never done that before!  And aside from the mild asthma attack I had back at the house, I felt amazing!  My feet moved like they never had before.  My arms swung by my side with ease, thrusting me further down the street.  It was exhilarating.  And I didn't die, which is cool too.

I'm still stuck at a low 220-something, so I'm not even going to post my weight.  Talk about being at a stalemate.  It's been WEEKS.  I'm not even frustrated anymore.  I mean, I'm working out and losing inches and becoming more fit.  The weight will come off with time.

To end the post, I wanted to tell y'all some posts you can look for in the near future!

• How I Saved My Hair Post Gastric Bypass
• Your Questions Answered Vlog Style
• Rumpshaker 5k Recap

tough it out tuesday

I haven't done a link-up since I stopped writing in my old lifestyle blog, but this one is pretty fitting since it's based all around, what else, WEIGHT LOSS!  My really sweet friend Allie decided that it was time to change her life for the better by losing weight and getting fit!  She is doing so well.  She is someone who really inspires me and we encourage and empower each other on a daily basis.  I'm so lucky to have her as my friend!  So here we go, Tough it out Tuesday!

Lately, I have been just so hungry.  And I know exactly why:  because I've been eating more and more carbs.  Obviously, there are a ton of reasons why the doctors tell you not to eat carbs after surgery.  They make you gain weight!  And they make you hungry, which makes you eat more, which makes you gain weight!  The cycle is vicious my friends, just vicious.  I have been trying to do so much better.  I worked out with Gene on Saturday after a semi-long hiatus and felt really, really good.  Yesterday, I felt tired and sluggish because I had some of my cousin's homemade bread.  Today, I craved chocolate so bad it hurt!  I'm just going to be frank for one minute and say that PMS is an evil bitch.  Or maybe that's just me while I'm having PMS, but nonetheless, it will jack you up.  

PMS after Gastric Bypass is HARD.  Before surgery, I would've gone down to the snack machine, gotten a Hershey's and a 20 oz. Coke and been perfectly satisfied with myself.  Now, I have to actively search for healthy alternatives that will somehow satisfy my monthly craving for either extremely sweet or extremely salty.  Today, I went down to the snack machine and stared at it for like 10 minutes.  After 10 minutes, I bought a Twix.  A FREAKING TWIX PEOPLE!  I can't eat that!  But I sure as hell sat there, on the second floor of my building, and straight up ate the whole thing!  

yes, I did take a picture.

THAT is a complete loss of control if there ever was one.  I felt so ashamed and like I was old Meighan, hiding food from my coworkers.  And of course, like 15 minutes later, I felt absolutely retched.  Because I'm not supposed to have that kind of stuff! Duh!! I can't let myself fall back into those habits, EVER.  And I can't even figure out when I started letting myself slip a little... and it's frustrating.

So this post is about honesty.  I didn't tough it out.  Instead, I gave in and did something that made me feel shame I haven't felt in six months.  Maybe, in a twisted way, it's the reminder I needed to never go back to that place ever again.  No more chocolate.  No more Twix.  No more giving in.

I'm tough and I can do this.  I went through surgery knowing I would have to fight like hell to achieve my goals and that there would be bumps along the way.  So I'm ready to be over the hurdle and back on the horse, racing to the finish line.  

Or, in my case, to the bikini store to stock up on legit two pieces for the honeymoon.

Ultimate motivation.  

  

I've had a few people ask me questions about my weight loss, life, etc... but I wanted to open myself up to whatever questions you all may have!   

I am planning to do a video to answer them.  

No holds barred here people.  :)

my own personal balancing act.

Sometimes, I feel like that's me.  Desperately trying to balance everything in life.  My weight loss has slowed down because I can eat a much wider variety of food and I'm slowly introducing more things back into my diet that shouldn't necessarily be there, like bread.  (God I love bread!)

And going to the gym.  I know I need to do that.  I know I need to keep working out, taking classes, trying new things, and keep my body moving to lose weight and reshape myself.  But after work, I'm tired.  And knowing that I have school work to do makes it even harder to be motivated to go to a class at the gym from 6:30-7:30.  By the time I finish the class/workout, get home and settled down, it's already almost 8:00 and I have to start school work.

And planning the wedding.  We still have so many things to get done before the wedding, and we're six and a half months out.  I know that sounds like plenty of time, but it's going so fast and I'm starting to get overwhelmed.

And then there is blogging.  I had a lifestyle blog once and never really found my voice with it.  I was mostly doing giveaways or sponsorship's to gain more readers, when in reality I didn't have that much interesting material to write with.  I love this blog.  I love documenting every part of my weight loss and I love the feedback I get from people.  But that little lifestyle blogger, as small as she may be, is itching to come back out.  So I am going to get a new layout from Rekita and possibly start doing a little more normal lifestyle stuff.  I'm torn.  As you can tell from my previous complaints, I don't have a lot of time.  But I love this blog, and I love my readers (that sounds weird) and for once I just feel like me when I write.  And that means something to me.  Not forcing myself to find interesting material is a really freeing sensation, and I like that.  But sometimes I want to talk about makeup.  Or hair products.  Or do a fun link-up that has nothing to do with weight loss.  Plus, eventually I am going to reach my goal weight.  I can't talk about Zumba or Yoga or my diet for the rest of my life, right?

We'll see.  I'm still thinking it all over.  Being an adult is hard.  Having a hectic schedule is often frustrating.  But at the end of the day, I'm so blessed, and can you really ask for more than that?

God's Plan: Part I

I was reading one of my close blogger friends post just now about where she thought she would be after high school in one, five and eight years.  Her plan versus her reality were totally different and I just felt compelled to write my own post about God's plan.  I was always overweight, so I definitely think that having surgery was part of God's plan for me, but we'll start a few years before that.

In high school, I was always doing my friends' hair:  prom, homecoming, just for fun... I loved it.  I just knew my destiny was to be a big hairstylist in New York or L.A. and I refused to accept any other option.  So I went to my local hair school, got my cosmetology license and did hair-  for nine whole months.  I hated it.  I hated it so much that I quit.  I just walked in to the salon (you know, the one conveniently located in the mall...) one day and told them I quit and was never coming back.  And so my big dreams of doing hair for the stars ended almost as fast as it began.

After that, I lived at home and started working for doctors.  Everyone in my family (mom, aunt, cousin, grandmother) worked for doctors in some capacity, so that was the obvious choice and an easy way to get hooked up with a job.  I worked for one crazy doctor for about seven months and then moved on to a large Orthopedic practice.  After five years, my time with that company came to an end.  I started there right after my 21st birthday and I really didn't feel like I had grown much as a person or an employee.  I wasn't happy to say the least, they noticed and we parted ways.

A big part of that job that has to do with God's plan was a male employee who worked there. He was much older than me and from the first time I saw him, I was in love.  Everyone in the office (him included, I'm sure) knew about the crush on him and one drunken birthday night I actually professed my love for him.  Honestly, I was young and stupid.  We would joke and he would say, "I don't date co-workers." And in my mind I would think, "I would quit this job in a second to be with you."  I even said jokingly once, "well then I guess I will have to quit..."  Looking back, I'm sure he thought I was this crazy little girl.  But he was always very sweet and gracious to me, even after my drunken birthday confession.

What seemingly started as a crush turned into real feelings over the years and for the first time in my life, I felt heartbreak.  It's weird typing this, because the only person I've ever talked to about this is my best friend.  But, again, it's all in God's plan.  I had read about unrequited love many times but had never experienced it, and let me tell you:  it hurts.  There were so many times when just seeing him or talking to him hurt so badly.  I would come home to my best friend/roommate and just cry to her about all the ways he was unintentionally hurting me and why I couldn't just move on.  It was the first time I had ever been in love and he didn't feel the same way.  It was the one and only time, still to this day, that I have ever had my heart broken.

Not long after, I got transferred from the main office to a satellite office and didn't have to see him anymore.  This is where I became the most miserable in my job, but this is also the point in my life where I met and started dating Ben.  Even though I didn't know, God knew all along the best person that was supposed to be in my life.  For whatever reason, it was not my co-worker.  Once I met Ben and started dating him, I was a million times happier and more in love (almost instantly) than I had ever been with anyone else.

I finally figured out that God's plan was so much greater than anything I could have planned for myself.

Wedding Wednesday: Weight Loss Edition

No, I didn't get on TV.  Which, quite frankly, is sad for the networks who missed out.  I feel like I could make for some great television.  Weight loss story + crazy personality = TV hit!  Right?  Yes. Duh.

My weight has been floating around between 220 and 223.5 for quite some time.  I don't know what to do to get under 220!  Like, come on scale, work with me here.  With all that being said, I decided it was finally time to go look at wedding dresses.  I have been trying to lose as much weight as possible and my weight loss has slowed down a good bit, so I figured now was as good a time as any.

Let me just say... I was terrified.  I had all these thoughts running through my head.

• what if I never find the dress that's "the one"
• what if I can't even fit into a dress to see what it looks like
• what if I find my dream dress and it's way over budget
• what if I look horrible in all the dresses and become super discouraged
• what if I never find the dress that's "the one"    <--- obviously this was a huge concern of mine.

I was a nervous wreck the morning before.  My mom, grandmother and BFF/MOH were the only ones I wanted to go with me.  I was not about to take an entourage up to the dress shop for everyone to give their opinions.  That's how Meighan gets frustrated and turns into a major B. (bitch, bridezilla, both... you choose.)  My grandmother didn't end up coming because my grandfather wasn't feeling well, so it was just mom and MOH at the dress shop.  Like I said, I was a nervous wreck.  So nervous that I had nervous stomach issues.  I mean, someone please tell me I'm not the only bride to have these problems before dress shopping?!

When we got to the bridal shop, we all picked out several dresses for me to try on.  I went into this tiny room, filled with dresses, and started trying them on.  The first one I tried on was one my mom picked, so I wanted her to see me in it even though I knew it wasn't the one.  It was a blinged out crazy dress that just wasn't me, but I let mommy see me in it.  Then I tried on the second dress, and it was like a magical unicorn flew over my head and sprinkled fairy bridal dust all over me, because this.was.the.dress.  I knew it before I even left the dressing room.  So I showed my mom and Sam and they loved it.

Just to make sure, I tried on about 10 more dresses.  Nope x10.  I went back in to the tiny room and put my dress back on.  My dress. The dress.  THE ONE.  The dress I am going to marry Ben in.  I went out, back to the mirrored platform, and let them "jack me up."  (If you watch SYTTD Atlanta, then you know what I mean.)  I got the veil and the earrings and that's when it happened:

And then mom... 

And then best friend... 

Tears, people.  There were tears.  Best friend teared up, mom started crying and I started bawling.  And in the most unattractive, loud crying voice I said:  "Can someone PUH-LEASE get me a t-t-tissue???"

I have never felt more beautiful.  I have never looked the way I looked in that dress.  My best friend took a picture and showed it to me, and my exact words were, "that's me?"  I was honestly shocked.  A mixture of my weight loss transformation and seeing myself as a bride, in a dress, for the first time... yeah, it was super emotional.  So I slapped down some money and purchased my dress.

I SAID YES TO THE DRESS!  

(I'm telling you TLC, you missed out...)

SW: 311

CW:  221.5

-89.5 lbs