It seems as though I've forgotten lately what this journey is all about. I've been so caught up with fitting into Nike shorts, fitting into the seats at Six Flags, how my legs still look like jelly even though I've been doing squats until I could throw up, how I would look in a two piece bikini.
I bought shorts at Old Navy last night and felt like they looked pretty good. I've never been a shorts person, for obvious reasons, but these were the closest thing to Nike shorts I could find that actually fit AND they were $10 rather than $50. When I got home, Ben wanted to see what I had purchased, so I put on the shorts and showed him. This is my fiance, people. He has seen my legs. He is familiar with how my body has changed and is still changing. But for some reason, I felt so insecure and felt the need to ask him, "will you be ashamed to be seen with me if I wear these shorts?" He just looked at me like I had asked him something in a foreign language. I know better. I know he never has and never will be ashamed of me in any capacity. I just... I don't know. I blame Target, to be honest.
Target is where self esteem goes to die.
Y'all think I'm kidding, but I'm not. It threw so much of my confidence out the window and brought back insecurities I haven't felt in months. And I refuse to let a retailer of clothing have that effect on my confidence, my self esteem, and my self worth.
The whole point at the beginning of this journey was to be healthy. I don't ever want to lose sight of that main goal. I want to have healthy kids. I want to be a healthy, active wife. I want to keep pushing my body's limits to the edge with new classes, new workouts, new foods, and new goals.
I WANT TO KICK ASS AT LIFE.
If for some reason those Nike running shorts never fit my body quite right, that will be just fine with me. If I can never get into the floor and sit perfect indian style without my leg fat getting in the way, then I will just sit some other way. But you can bet that I will never stop trying to be the healthiest person that I can be.
Most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wished for. Maybe, you'll get more than you ever could've imagined. Who knows where life will take you.
The road is long, and in the end... the journey is the destination.
P.S. you are beautiful.
You are kicking ass at life girl! I am so proud of you! Don't let Target get you down, I feel the same way when I try things on there. You rock those shorts, I am sure they look great on you!
ReplyDeleteLook how far you've traveled down that long road! It's so easy to be discouraged, but to defy discouragement, that is incredible in itself. So you take those shorts, you go to Six Flags and you have FUN!
ReplyDeleteUghhh SCREW TARGET! I love them for home decor and their damn clearance but seriously...let's all just stay away from the clothing department until they get their shit right! You have to remember when you look in the mirror, your eyes go to all your "trouble spots" and you don't see your overall body. To Ben (and the rest of the world), you are just beautiful Meighan and he doesn't notice your thighs or your stomach or wherever else you are obsessing over, he just sees you as a whole. And obsessing over the wrong image might I add because what you see in the mirror is probably exaggerated and so misconstrued from what it really is! Because I do the SAME THING. I think we all do....
ReplyDeleteThat's the perfect mantra! I just recently made myself a "Heathy Thinspiration" picture. You are welcome to share it :) http://instagram.com/p/lxkuaElQvj/
ReplyDeleteI love this post! You are right. Healthy is so much more important. I read a good article from Time the other day about how people who look thin can have deadly fat on the inside.You might like it! I thought that it was fascinating.
ReplyDeletehttp://time.com/14407/the-hidden-dangers-of-skinny-fat/
www.seriouslysarah.net
This is the exact change I am trying to make to my mindset too. Its not about getting to that perfect weight or perfect size in clothes, its about being the healthiest person you can be, and trying every day to make healthy choices. Just keep doing what you are doing, and if Target clothes don't fit right, thats Target's loss, they don't get your custom!! Go to a shop where their clothes do fit, and feel good about urself xx
ReplyDeleteMy heart broke when reading about asking your fiance about being ashamed. I just wanted to give you a hug! You have done an amazing job and you have every reason to be proud. Thanks for being an inspiration to me.
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