Is this even happening right now? I haven't stepped into blog world in such a long time. It's no secret that life has been extremely busy and hectic the past several, several months.
I am 24 days away from marrying my best friend and soulmate, which makes me happy in so many ways. But with that comes the never-ending stress of being a bride. I worry about everything. If it even remotely has to do with the wedding, it is something I stress about. People, things, events, RSVP cards (they are pre-stamped for a damn reason, people!!), PMS, being on my period during our honeymoon (I have a calendar which tells me so), tying up loose ends for everything, finding a cake topper, meeting with the cake people(!!!), buying a garter, do I need two garters(?), getting my hair to act right because I'm doing it myself, ditto for makeup, getting everyone at the right place at the right time for the rehearsal & wedding, pictures, etc... the list goes on and on. omg, just, Jesus. (this is how my brain works these days at every waking moment. and if you think I'm getting any kind of good sleep at night, you are the most wrong ever.)
I keep telling myself that 15 months of stress is way too much stress for a 12 hour event. And when we got engaged, I was totally kidding myself thinking it would be "easy and stress free" planning this wedding. I still have yet to figure out if it's just me and the fact that I worry and over-analyze every single thing and have my whole life, or if it's truly this stressful to plan a wedding. Maybe a bit of both, who knows.
I know one thing- I will be so incredibly happy when October 4th finally comes and I can walk down to Ben and finally be his wife. I know things will smooth out after the wedding and a lot of normalcy will return to our every day lives, but getting there truly is the hardest part.
With all that being said, I can't even express how grateful I am for the generosity of our friends and family over the past 15 months, especially my parents and Ben's parents. I know that with the amount of stress also comes this huge blessing; marrying my best friend, my soulmate, the person God truly made for me to be happy with for the rest of our lives.
I feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world.
(p.s. I'm glad to be back. at least for today.)
I got an email from a complete stranger.
It wasn't long, but it was probably the most incredible email I've ever received.
Over the past year, I've been told many times that I am an inspiration to people who are trying to lose weight. People who are trying to decide if they want to change their lives with weight loss surgery. People who are getting ready for surgery and just looking for advice. People who have also had weight loss surgery and can relate to my experiences. People who haven't had surgery, but still struggle with their weight and body image.
This email was not about weight.
It was about another personal experience that people go through.
Something that is a dream of mine in the very near future:
motherhood.
This woman- this sweet, amazing woman- took time out of her day to write me an email asking me to please keep writing my blog.
She told me that I am a "light in her life and the lives of so many other women" and that I "give her hope."
Amazing.
I was rendered (and still am) speechless.
(and y'all know that doesn't happen often.)
It made me think.
You never know where you're going to find inspiration.
And you never know when your story is going to inspire someone else.
My words and the things I've been through have given someone hope.
Hope for a situation that is much bigger than me and this blog.
I can't even fathom the concept of that right now.
I can't put into words how much that means to me.
I am not leaving this blog and I am never quitting my journey.
It all means too much to me.
You all- my friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers- mean way too much to me.
all of my love, always.
always, always, always.
There are a lot of quotes in the world about "haters." And yes, I did just quote the rapper Wiz Khalifa. It seemed fitting. I've found myself throughout life saying "haters gonna hate!" And boy did that ring true for me this week. I've contemplated a thousand times over again whether or not to blog about this, and I decided that part of my whole journey is being open, honest and never changing who I am for anyone.
Eleven months after my surgery, I found my first hater. And to my surprise, it was someone who I thought was my friend. Over the past week, I kept asking myself, who gets angry at another person's success? And while I still don't know the answer to that, I know that this person is no longer in my life and I think we are both better for it. This is not an angry post or a sad post. I'm even disabling comments on this post because I know who supports me and who doesn't, and I'm not asking for reassurance.
I know this post is vague, and I'm sorry, but it's necessary. I was hurt and this is the only way I can write about it without blasting another person on the internet, which I refuse to do.
After a lot of thought and prayer this week, I finally came to the perfect solution:
if you don't like seeing or hearing about my life
then feel free to leave.
I highly implore you to click the little 'x' at the top right corner. click unfollow. don't click my name at all.
It seems like common sense, really. But if I need to spell it out, then there it is. I'm not for everyone and I've known that my whole life. But this blog and all other social media, whether it be weight loss or wedding or anything in between, is for ME. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. I don't have to explain or defend that, and I never will again.
For those of you who have continually supported me, emailed me, called me, texted me, left comments, facebooked me, etc... I appreciate you and have not forgotten all of the good that comes from this blog just because of one bad experience.
I will NEVER change who I am.
I shouldn't have to.
And neither should anyone else.
I'm happy and at peace.
LESSON LEARNED.
I'm in a funk.
I'm trying to work my way out of it.
In the meantime, feel free to check out some of these older posts.
Also, at the bottom are some of my favorite blogs, so check them out too.
Be back soon.
Love, love, love.
SURGERY POSTS
+Gastric Bypass Part I
+Gastric Bypass Part II
+Gastric Bypass Part III
+Weight Loss & Progress
+Before Surgery
+Bikini Post
JUST FOR FUN POSTS
+Target Haul
+Reading List
(I just finished a book from my list! I'm starting on The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks, so if you want to join me in reading, let me know!)
+No Rules, Just Writing
+The Journey & Steve Miller Concert
CHECK OUT THESE BLOGS
+Allieology- she's blogging every.day. in July.
+Knock on Wood- a fantastic blog about all things life
+Life by Nadine Lynn- I dare you to read her blog and not LOL.
+Girl Brooks- blog designer and fantastic writer.
+All Things Bold & Bright- sweet, funny and gorgeous. just, yes.
It's no secret that I am a total product junkie. Over the weekend, I walked through Target for what seemed like hours. I was out of mascara, so of course I found myself up and down every cosmetic aisle three or four (or ten) times. I ended up with all these different products in my buggie (yes, in the South we say buggie) and figured I may as well do a blog post about it. Most of these I had never used before, so I was excited to get them home and try them. Here we go. :)
1. Target Brand Cotton Rounds: I love these things. They are so easy to take off eye makeup, dab on powder, clean up makeup mess-ups, etc... love, love, love.
2. Neutrogena Naturals Face Wash & Makeup Remover: I had never tried this before, but I was looking for a quick way to wash my face at night before bed. I instantly loved the way this smelled so fresh and made my skin feel soft after I used it. I will definitely keep using this.
3. Biore Ultra Deep Cleansing Pore Strips: I have a very strong love/hate relationship with these strips. They make my nose feel so smooth and cleansed after I use them, but actually using them is a true bitch. Peeling that strip off my nose is pure.torture. They hurt, but they work.
4. Maybelline Clean Express Makeup Remover: I love Maybelline. I use a ton of their products and I think the jury is still out on this one. I've only used it once and I didn't have on my normal amount of eye makeup, so I'm not really sure how well it works. We'll come back to this one later.
5. ELF Mineral Primer in Green: I have been using a couple of different primers, but I thought I would try this one because of it's green tint. I have a lot of redness in my cheeks and face, so this is perfect to neutralize that. When I used it, it neutralized my redness a good bit, but my powder stuck to it so much better than my other primer's, which I loved. You only need a tiny bit and for $6, it's a true steal. I'm pretty pleased with this purchase.
6. NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Yogurt: I am no stranger to the NYX brand and have had many of these pencils. My only complaint with these is that if you don't use eye primer before you apply it, it will crease throughout the day. They are cheap and last a long time and the creasing can definitely be prevented with a little primer. (most days I wear this to work and I don't even bother with a primer, especially since I wear glasses all day.)
7. Que Bella Lavender Relaxing Face Mask: I haven't tried this yet, but I absolutely adore face masks. I fully intend on taking a hot bubble bath with my lavender salts, bubble bath and slather this all over my face. So we will have to come back to this later.
8. Maybelline Baby Skin: This is extremely similar to Garnier's 5 Second Blur, which I love. It truly only takes a TINY bit, which I of course learned the hard way. If I had to compare the two, I would say the Baby Skin works just as well and covers my pores even a bit better than the Garnier. Also, the Baby Skin is $10 cheaper.
9. Maybelline The Falsies Big Eyes Mascara: You can't tell from the picture, but this mascara has a regular brush for top lashes and a teeny brush for bottom lashes. The tubes on each end are smaller, so this may not last me that long, but it definitely made my eyes pop. So far, I'm digging it.
10. Maybelline Mega Plush Volume Mascara: I've used this before and it truly makes my lashes look thick and voluptuous. When I want that mega dramatic lash look, I use this on top of whatever normal mascara I've already used, especially at the base of my lashes.
Have y'all tried any of these products?
What are some of your favorite drug store/Target finds?
