the struggle & the scale

Shame on me.  My loyal readers (riiight) are waiting for updates and I'm over here playing Candy Crush like a maniac.  Level 23 had me for a WHILE, but I finally bought enough lollipop hammers to just smash the rest of the jelly. That game is addicting, BTW.

I keep forgetting I had surgery.  My wounds are healed, I am done with my Heparin shots, and I keep forgetting that just five weeks ago today I had surgery.

For so many years, I tried to change my lifestyle with just a snap of my fingers, knowing it was unrealistic and stupid and I'd be down at the coke machine before the end of the day, swearing I'd try again tomorrow.  Obviously it didn't get me anywhere other than a miserable 311 pounds.  God that makes me cringe.  I never saw myself that big.  I know people say that, but I really didn't.  I'm not stupid, I knew I was big.  But even now, just five weeks later, I look at pictures and don't know that person.  And I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself.  I keep forgetting I had surgery.

I know I'm not used to all the changes.  Lately, I've been wanting the old, bad food a lot more.  It's a struggle.  They kept telling me at the seminars that it wouldn't be easy, but I underestimated what they were saying.  IT.IS.HARD.  I don't want to eat yogurt sometimes.  I want to walk to McDonald's and get a 10 piece nuggets and a huge coke.  But the best part of the struggle is knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that I can.not do that.  It will make me sick, stretch my pouch and make the scale go up-  none of which I am a fan.

So my head is getting used to these changes, slowly but surely.  I've even eaten out a couple more times since the great Ruby Tuesday vomiting incident.  Ben and I had Zoe's Kitchen yesterday and I had something they call the "Under 500 Protein Power Plate."  They make it sound so interesting, yet it's grilled chicken on top of their mayo-less slaw.  It was good with a little side of salsa, but I felt a bit more full than I'd like after we ate.  I also had a Jimmy John's Un-wich today with just turkey and tomatoes.  (if you've never had an Un-wich, it's just a lettuce wrap.)  The lettuce made me feel gassy almost immediately, so I ate the turkey out of it and felt pretty satisfied.

So all in all, things are going well.  I'm still doing water aerobics.  It's really just me with the pool weights and a noodle making up workouts as I go.  But hey!  It seems to be working, because the scale is dropping.

Which reminds me... I almost forgot to tell y'all that I've lost 42.5 pounds.  In exactly five weeks.  The statement "that blows my mind" is such an understatement.  I'm so thankful for this surgery.  It is already changing my life in so many ways.  And there is so much more to come.

SW:  311

CW:  268.5

-42.5 lbs